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Monday, November 24, 2003
Life's good so far. I almost forgotten how fun it is be to me. The happy-go-lucky girl who never worries about anything. I've got everything I need now, loving parents, a cute cat and great friends so who needs a man to complete my life right? Not to mention a pinktastic room. There's nothing more I want now. Love? I've got it too. Right, I know... I'm lacking those kind of love, but I don't need that now.
Why? 'Cause I am girl, hear me purr (I am woman, hear me roar). Like I've mentioned, watch me, watch me shine.
I forgot to mention this: I am proud of myself now. For being strong and being myself. For proving myself and everyone wrong. I love this kind of feeling. I wish I can feel this way everyday. *sighs blissfully*
2:39:00 AM
Thursday, November 20, 2003
I'll start off my 1st entry on this very important date in my life. It marks a brand new beginning of a life, my life. A same old brand new me is about to be born, and I'm going to be proud that I am no one else but me, myself and I. No one can crush my faith or courage again.
Joanna Pacitti - Watch Me Shine
i'm not your average type of girl
i'm gonna show the world
the strength in me that sometimes they can't see
i'm about to switch my style
and soon things may get wild
but i will prove that i can conquer anything
so from my head to toe
i'm taking full control
i'll make it on my own this time
better watch me shine
better watch out
going for the knockout
and i won't stop
till i'm on top now
not gonna give up
until i get what's mine
better check that i'm about to upset
and i'm glad now
so you better step back
i'm taking over
so watch me shine
so get ready here i come
until the job is done
no time to waste
there's nothing stopping me
but you don't hear me though
so now it's time to show
i'll prove i'm gonna be the best i can be
so from my head to toe
my mind body and soul
i'm taking full control this time
bet you don't think i can take it
but my mind and body are strong
bet you don't think i can make it
it won't take long
bet you don't think i can take it
but my mind and body are strong
bet you don't think i can make it
it won't take long
now watch me shine
So watch me.
12:00:00 AM
Saturday, November 15, 2003
Can you believe that I actually ate 4 Magnums? And in just about 4 hours time. That makes about 1 Magnum/Hour.
And I'm still so damn skinny. *lmao*
10:15:00 AM
Monday, November 10, 2003
Why do I still feel that aching emptiness in my heart?
Why is my heart still bleeding?
Why are there so many questions that I can never ever answer?
Why, why, why?
When can I stop feeling this way?
2:02:00 AM
Wednesday, November 05, 2003
I just got off the phone with Joey. We've been talking for close to 4 hours. My ears feels a kind of burning sensation. *lol*
Anyway, I've been thinking. My friend asked me yesterday why aren't I letting go. She know that lots of nice men are trying to know me better, but I can't accept any of them. I just want to be alone nowadays. I don't need 2 fucking balls to make me feel good.
And so she thought I still wished to be with him. Well... I do miss him and still love him alot. I want to see him, to feel his arms around me, to feel his kiss again.
So, why don't I just go back to him right?
Because I've totally gave up on being with him again. It's just that I'm not forcing myself to stop missing or loving him. I'm still quite happy. Well, at least I think I am. I don't think it's anything wrong. As long as I'm happy, it's fine right? I'm no longer crying or feeling sad that he's not around. In fact, I've only cried twice since the day we broke up. Maybe I've already shed too much tears for him in the past. Even though I feel like crying now, the tears somehow won't fall... It feels like my heart's gonna burst anytime, but the tears just won't obey anymore. Sometimes I wished I could just cry everything out, I might feel even better. But instead, my heart just feels a kind of wrenching aching pain whenever I think about him.
So I'm waiting for the day where I can naturally let go. But I'm not stopping myself from having fun or knowing more people. Life goes on. I just can't stop myself from missing him. I really loved him with all my heart. Maybe to some people, they think that "love" to a 18 year old girl is nothing, but I know myself, and my heart. I truly loved him, I was ready to give up everything for him. There was nothing I couldn't do for him. Even though he crushed my heart to dust and left my heart bleeding, I don't hate him. Or for all the other things he had done.
I want to keep a nice memory of our relationship in my mind. I want to remember that I've loved before. It's not easy to find someone you can truly love...
Okay, I know I may sound very contradicting. But it's hard to explain feelings of the heart with words. All these mixed emotions I'm feeling couldn't be described with alphabets.
I don't know. I really don't know what I want or how I'm really feeling. Maybe I'm just trying to run away from reality? I don't know... I really don't know...
8:04:00 AM
Monday, November 03, 2003
I'm actually feeling happy today. Things are looking better and better. *tee hee*
It feels scary to be happy though. I thought I've forgotten how it is like to feel happy.
Hmm...
5:18:00 AM
Yours Truly
Ingrid
25 years old
Kievan's Mommy
Still Pink Lovin'
Faded Memories
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
February 2005
April 2005
June 2005
November 2005
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
March 2010
deep inside me. a silent whisper in my mind.
sweet surrender to your love divine. peace enfolding.
in the stillness i empty my soul. and your healing presence flows.
as i breathe the air of heaven. drawing in your fragrance when i breathe.
i feel your fullness come alive inside of me. you're the breath that i breathe.
it's taking hold. like a second nature when i savour. savour you. as i breathe.