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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

I wished I was dead.

I seriously wished I was dead.

Does it matter to anyone if I was alive or dead?

11:00:00 PM

我不想谈真理
即使是真正的真理
我只想谈谈我自己
还有你自己

我不想谈什么是对
什么是错
我只想谈谈我自己
还有你自己

我不想谈过去
或者未来
我只想谈谈我自己
还有你自己

现在式的

I got this from my email. Sounds cute huh? Althought I don't really get what it's saying. My chinese sucks. *lol* But Joey will know, I can get her to explain it to me.

Here's another one, I think I know what it means.

懂得越多难道就真的更接近真理吗?
不可能是相反吗?

Gee, thank god I can express myself in English, I will be in a lost if I have to post my whole blog in Chinese. It's way too hard for me.

PS: I got my Barbie bag, and I love it so much! My baby likes it too.

2:07:00 AM

Extracts from Eskimo Kissing:

Green is the color of history. Not the black and white of books or photographs. Not the frozen grey of tombstones and cathedrals. It is green that is the color of time passing. Olive moss, sable in places, covering weeds that spring up along a path long unused.

White is the color of leaving. Oyster corridors, dirty around the edges. The milky wings of the planes against the wintry skies. The cups and chalky saucers in the cafeteria. The white of space and time and distance, bleaching everywhere it touches.

Scarlet is the color of loving. What else...? Imagine. A father sucking away the crimson seam of blood on the end of his child's cut finger. The homesick hearts of lovers separated. The pomegranate inside of a woman's mouth. Kissing. The red of for ever and ever.

I think the writer, Kate Mosse has a beautiful way with words.

12:46:00 AM

Monday, March 29, 2004

Sneezy, coughy and feverish. That's what I am now.

Went to the doc and he gave me 2 days of MC and loads of medication. Eew.

Sigh, it feels terrible to be sick. I want my baby to take care of me. *whines*

Going back to work on Wednesday, there goes my 2 days of pay. That makes me $146 poorer. Not to mention spending $24 to see a doc and getting those yucky medicine.

So I'm now $170 poorer and dead sick. Great.

9:07:00 PM

Saturday, March 27, 2004

林凡 - 都是他

当 Starbucks 打烊啦
你不是累了想回家
怎么还等他
握紧的手机关了吧
他不会再打来啦
你却说想在呆一下

冰咖啡留给他
你的体贴不是办法
爱是两人的呀
看你在眼角擦
抿着嘴咬指甲
连哭泣都害怕
感情不要也罢

你说都是他
让你苦苦牵挂
等成一个笑话
你生气你委屈你泪在滑
却还是放不下
疼得很伟大

别再为了他
让你心乱如麻
像褪色的花
陪着你看商店铁门拉下
别哭了
别等了
爱要学会潇洒

My dear sweet Joey, this is for you. I wish you all the faith and courage that you'll need to walk through life. Be strong and be yourself. Most importantly, you got to know how to love yourself first, in order to be the girl you actually are. *hugs* Love ya!

4:53:00 AM

A conversation between parrot, Mommy and me.

Mommy opens door.

Birdie: Come come!
Mommy: Birdie birdie~
Birdie: Happy birthday tooooo...
Mommy: Happy birthday to YOU...
Birdie: Happy birthday tooooo...
Mommy: No, happy birthday to YOU...
Birdie: Oh?

Mommy and me laughs.

Birdie: Happy birthday tooooo...
Me: YOU!
Birdie: Happy birthday tooooo...
Me: YOU!
Birdie: Keep quiet.

Damn bird. *lol*

3:25:00 AM

My first day of work at Changi Airport DFS, promoting Absolut Vanilia. I love the way they mispell all those names on purpose. Kurant, Citron etc. So neat eh?

The uniform is kinda nice too, a white velvet top with white capri pants. Suits the whole Absolut Vanilia's look. It's not the most interesting job on Earth, but the pay is good enough, so why not?

Went to Prada with Joyce today and fell in love with a pink sling bag that cost $975, oh and that's the price before GST. Damn, that woman is always tempting me. But $975 for a canvas bag isn't really worth it in my opinion. I might as well get Louis Vuitton's Juliette, it cost a little more, but at least it's leather! Going out with her is a hazard, she ought to tattoo a warning sign on her back. *whines*

Oh my god, and you wouldn't believe what happened today. Some hell of a bastard groped my ass on the bus today. Damn him! At first I thought it was the lady with a plastic bag that accidentally touched me, since the bus is so full and everything. I was on the phone with Joey too, so I didn't bother much. But when I got a seat, that fucking bastard sat opposite me and kept staring at me with an extremely sick face, and it doesn't help much that he's trying to peep into my miniskirt too. My legs were crossed but duh, like as if he could see anything. It was at that moment when I realised that it must be him that groped my ass. I mean, a plastic bag couldn't possibly brushed against the whole of my ass. I glared at him all the way till he alighted the bus. Fucking bastard. Fucking cheap bastard. I could throw some money into his sick face and ask him to go find a whore, so that he can keep his hands of my ass.

Damn, he wore glasses still. He think he could hide his fricking perverted face behind a pair of glasses when his fricking sick expression already gave him off? He could count himself lucky, I wasn't sure at first if he was the one. So good for him, got off scot-free. If there wasn't any lady behind me to confuse me, I swear he's gonna get it. He's going to get it so bad that he wished he didn't had such a feverish brain.

Fuck it. My poor ass. I prolly need to wash it with Dethol a million times.

12:38:00 AM

Friday, March 26, 2004

Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman - Come What May

never knew i could feel like this
like i've never seen the sky before
want to vanish inside your kiss
everyday i love you more and more
listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
telling me to give you everything
seasons may change
winter to spring
but i love you until the end of time

come what may
come what may
i will love you until my dying day

suddenly the world seems such a perfect place
suddenly it moves with such a perfect grace
suddenly my life doesn't seem such a waste
it all revolves around you

and there's no mountain too high
no river too wide
sing out this song and i'll be there by your side
storm clouds may gather and stars may collide

but i love you
i love you
until the end of time

come what may
come what may
i will love you until my dying day

Ahhh, I love Moulin Rouge!!! It's such a romantic show and well, i'm a hopeless romantic. *grins*

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return."

I supposed that should make me quite wise isn't it?

2:10:00 AM

Thursday, March 25, 2004

I'm very sick, and I want my baby. *cries*

Blah!

3:51:00 AM

Wednesday, March 24, 2004

My computer wiped out a few days ago. And all my precious documents are gone. My years of stuff is gone just like that. The whole frickin hard disk crashed for god knows what reason.

Sometimes, computers can be so annoying.

But well, to look on the bright side, it is good to have a brand new hard disk. At least my computer is free of all unknown rubbish or whatever.

I don't know why am I saying all these. Maybe because I'm too bored. *lol*

How do you guys like this song that's currently playing on my blog?

1:42:00 AM

Tuesday, March 23, 2004

I love you so much baby.

So much...

Sometimes, I love you so much, till it hurts.

3:09:00 AM

Monday, March 22, 2004

I opened my mouth, but only a deranged cry tore out from my throat.

You stood before me, but all I could feel was suppressed fear. A fear that shook me to the bones. A fear that surprised me. Why would I be afraid of someone I love? Why would someone who loves me want to hurt me? I don't know, and I don't understand.

I look into your eyes, searching for some love and compassion. Your cool and composed eyes stare back at me. Tears threatened to fall. Taking a deep breath, I told myself that I wouldn't cry. Looking up again, I begin to see the hurt and pain in your eyes. I believed that you loved me at that moment. But you couldn't stop yourself then, it's too late. The show will have to go on.

Finally, you let go of me, and walked home. Watching you leave, I walked away too, in a different direction. Wiping away my tears with the back of my hands, I struggled to regain compose. I didn't walk far though. I didn't walk long too.

Because I turned and walked back to your house, back to you.

Tears...

And more tears...

Crumpled on the cool tiles of your bathroom floor, I buried my head in my kness and cried. Anguish cries that filled the lonely bathroom. I thought my tears wouldn't stop falling at that moment. Until you knocked on the door. Until you gathered me in your arms. Until I felt your love.

And miraculously, I stopped crying.

You have that much power over me.

Snuggling close to you, inhaling your familiar scent that I've grew so accustomed to, I find the will in my heart to forgive you again. For you, I can pretend that nothing had happened. For you, I can pretend that everything would be fine. For you, I can never give up our love.

You, it's always you.

Maybe one day, our love can really overcome all obstacles and bring us happiness.

Or maybe one day, we'll realise that everything was just a perfect masquerade.

4:06:00 AM

Saturday, March 20, 2004

My baby is booking out later @ 12 noon. Yipeee. I am so excited I can't sleep. I toss and turn, sleep for awhile then wake up again to look at the time.

The first thing I'm gonna do when I see him later is to plant a big wet kiss on his lips and hug him so tight that he can't breath. *lol*

I feel like a Mexican jumping bean.

Weeeee.

7:44:00 AM

Friday, March 19, 2004

I look, and I see people who care and love me. I listen, and I hear words of concern and advises. I feel, but I feel only loneliness and pain.

Everything else break over me in soft waves, white foams washing around me.

So alone...

Why?

Maybe because, the only person who could take away my misery, bring me out from my suffering, or just to put a simple smile on my face, is the one who actually caused me all these.

Eyes that only see you. Tears that only you could wipe away. Heart that only you have a place. Feelings that only you could play.

Hate me, but please still love me. Don't just leave me alone.

Not when I've gave myself to you.

Not when you've became my everything.

Inconsolable to anyone but you baby. So please don't hurt me.

Baby please.

12:06:00 AM

Wednesday, March 17, 2004

I know I just said I would stop shopping. But I told Joycelyn today that I feel like getting a new bag. So my new "No-Shopping" rule is off, until I get my bag.

The Dior bag that Joey's eyeing is really nice, but I don't like the white flowers on it. But she said that the flowers can be taken off. Since I'm going to Orchard with Joey tomorrow, we can go check it out. And if it's true, I'll get my Mommy to sign it for me first. Well, hopefully I won't need to return her the money. I'm so evil huh? *lol*

And there's the Burberry bag! Joyce did asked about it last month I think, but the salesperson told her that they were currently out of stock for the pink one. Maybe there's stock for it now. We can go check it out tomorrow at Orchard too. Let's all cross our fingers and hope that they'll have it ok?

Hehe, maybe I can get my Mommy to sign for both. That would be heaven. I'm drooling just thinking about it.

PS: Dior's D'trick is pretty good too. Well, that's if you like black and white. But still, it's really, really chic. Hmm.

1:30:00 AM

Went for a manicure and pedicure with Joycelyn today. It's pink with white flowers. And it cost me $88. Can you believe it? The manicure and pedicure is actually just $56 which is very cheap. But the frickin nail art is $32. Damn, they might as well rob the bank or something. And it's just simple nail art, no stones or anything. Thank god I didn't do French, if not it'll cost me much more. And I wore covered shoes today, which totally ruined my nails. So my expensive and not-very-pretty nails are gone. Like poof.

Then met up with Clara for another coffee session. We bitched about men and my nails in general. What else can 2 girls talk about? *lol* Oh, and Clara did her French manicure today for only $25. I feel so cheated. Someone please teach me to save or at least teach me to stop spending. Or something easier, someone just teach me to refrain from something called the Credit Card too. Thanks.

And then we came to 2 conclusions:
• My nails are way too frickin expensive.
• Men are weird bastards who don't grow up.

It's time for my beauty sleep. I've got work tomorrow morning, and I have to wake up like at 10am in the morning. Then I'll be meeting Joey to do some shopping at Orchard tomorrow after work. I swear, I will not spend a single cent tomorrow. I am so broke this month, and if I continue spending like the way I spend now, I'll be bankrupt before anyone could say the word "shopping".

So, no more spending for the rest of this week till I get my pay.

No means no.

Don't try to tempt me anyone!

1:12:00 AM

Sunday, March 14, 2004

I just woke up, decided to take a short nap before meeting Joycelyn, but I overslept again, as usual. She's going to kill me, I've got to make it up to her tomorrow. I feel terrible, I really didn't mean to sleep till so late.

But still, I'm going to bed soon, I don't wanna go to sleep in the wee hours of the morning, and wake up late at night the next day. Those kind of lifestyle sucks.

Oh yeah, in the midst of all the excitement, I totally forgot about my new link page. So to all who had linked me to their site. My new addy is actually Pinkish Dreams. And from that link, you can still reach my actual blog.

So tata, that's all for now.

10:26:00 PM

I'm back home from visiting my baby. It went much better than I expected, especially after the episode this morning.

I was still really hurt at first, but when I saw him, his face so true, so happy. I unknowingly broke into a smile, as true, as happy as his. It was a pure moment of magic when I flew into his open arms.

It was really crappy, for the fact that we both so wanted to touch each other, but we had to keep our hands to ourselves. But well, better than nothing. At least we can be together again next Saturday. That's the day when he can finally book out. And I don't need to hold back any longer. I could snuggle close to him whenever I want, kiss him whenever I feel like. We would be blissfully peaceful in our own world, on Saturday of course.

I can't believe how stuffy the people are. I mean can you believe that a officer actually sorta ticked my baby off, just because I had my hand hooked around his arm. Puh-lease, we wasn't making out or anything close. My baby then told me that when I'm gone, he's pretty sure he's gonna get scolded for it. I swear, if that idiotic officer would actually scold my baby because of this, he'll better regret it. Fuck it, some couples were practically glued to each other, and he didn't even breathe a word.

But still, we had quite a good time despite that I was so annoyed at the officers there. Then a most sour-faced officer announced that visiting time was over. I could happily punch him in the nose. (If I wasn't in such a good mood, I would have said "happily kicked him in the crotch")

Aww, and my baby showed the saddest face when I was boarding the bus. It makes me wanna shrink a few sizes smaller so that I could fit into his bag and stay with him. The feeling of waving goodbye to him is one of the worst thing that could ever happen. *sigh*

I'm feeling a little sleepy, but Joycelyn's forcing me to accompany her at Pool Fusion. So I can't sleep.

When can I ever say "No" to anyone? *lol*

1:08:00 PM

She fell asleep last night with a heart overflowing with desire and exhilaration. Staring at the ceiling, she counted the hours till she get to see her lover. Only 7 hours, and she could bury herself in his arms. Her heart soared and she could almost feel the stars above on the dark velvet sky.

She woke up this morning with a heart so full of love and happiness. Staring out of the window, she broke into a smile, as bright as cheerful as the sunlight. She was about to see her lover very soon. Taking a deep breath of the fresh air of morning dew, she stretched out her arms to her side, as if to embrace the world.

It was all too pefect to be true...

Had an arguement with my baby again. We quarrelled over the phone at Far East yesterday too. I don't know what's wrong with us these days. Maybe he's getting really sick of life inside there, and he's therefore getting cranky. Or maybe I am PMSing too. I've got no idea, but I hate for us to be like this, it makes me sad, so very sad...

It seems like no matter what I do, it's never right in his eyes. This is one thing that haven't changed even after we got back together. No matter if I am being caring or cold towards him, somehow I am still in the wrong. Sometimes, I feel that I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do to please him. Maybe there's nothing I can do... I can't be perfect, I can only try and do my best. But he doesn't appreciate anything, it's never enough for him. My love, my efforts and my heart reach out to him in vain.

It's not just the sadness, but the fear. The fear of our relationship turning into a replica of the past. I tried to calm myself down, I don't want to spoil this day, which we've both waited for so long. But this time, my heart disobeyed.

... Soon she was drowning in a sea of emotions. They were suffocating her, pulling her down, down and down... She couldn't break free, she was a prisoner to them. Closing her eyes hopelessly, she felt her breath shortening every second.

A solitary tear escaped from the corner of her eye. She hated herself at that very moment. But in the misty haze of despair and resignation. All she could to was to lie down and weep. Bitterly.

7:18:00 AM

Thursday, March 11, 2004

Here's something Joey sent me:

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

• I do physical labor.
• I work at great depths.
• I plunge head first into everything I do.
• I do not get weekends off or public holidays.
• I work in a damp environment.
• I don't get paid overtime.
• I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
• I work in high temperatures.
• My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

• You do not work 8 hours straight.
• You fall asleep on the job after brief periods of time.
• You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
• You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other
areas.
• You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and stimulated in
order to start working.
• You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
• You do not always observe necessary safety regulations, such has
wearing the correct protective clothing.
• You'll retire before reaching 65.
• You're unable to work double shifts.
• You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work.
• And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Isn't this the cutest? Hehe, this got me thinking. Of my baby of course, not anyone else. *grins*

Number Of Days Till Visiting Day: 3

Counting the minutues and the seconds till I get to see you again baby...

5:30:00 AM

It's been some days since I posted anything. Was busy doing a new link page for my blog. It's finally done, but I've not yet put up the link. Clara is the only one who has the link now. And she is my official tester of it. I'm waiting for her thumbs-up so that I can post it up. Thanks Clara!

I still didn't managed to go to Far East. I've totally given up hope on getting that dress. So please don't remind me. *lol* I'll be busy for the rest of this week, which is a good thing so that I can keep my mind off my baby for at least 1 minute.

Oh and something unbelievable. Joycelyn, Joey and I were at Plaza Singapura on Tuesday. It was pouring the whole day, and we all got wet feet because three of us were sharing ONE umbrella. Ugh. How pathetic huh? Thank god I didn't wore any makeup that day, if not my mascara would be running down my cheeks. This is not the climax of the story. We finished our shopping and decided to take a cab back home. And we waited for close to 2½ hours when we finally got a cab. Have you ever heard of such discouraging events? Well, at least we weren't bored while waiting. Joycelyn said something incredibly stupid that caused me and Joey to laugh till we all had tears in your eyes. I had to hold my stomach and if they wasn't such a big crowd there, I would have rolled on the floor or peed my pants.

It's been so long since I've laughed so hard, and it feels so good. Probably strangers would think that we're a bunch of crazy teenagers. But who cares? It's one of the greatest pleasure to laugh and laugh like as if nothing else on earth mattered.

Hmm... actually I used to always laugh like that when I was still in Secondary School. Wth Armie and Qinglin, we always had the most fun. Well.

I'll be going down to Joyce's office to collect my uniform tomorrow, then I'll be meeting Joycelyn to do some shopping at Bugis. As for Friday and Saturday, I'll be working. The only day left which I'll be free would be Sunday, which is also the best day of this week because it's Visiting Day. I'll be able to see my baby soon.

I'm gonna go catch some sleep now, everyone will kill me if I oversleep again later.

5:22:00 AM

Sunday, March 07, 2004

Firehouse - I Live My Life

you know you're everything to me
and i could never see the two of us apart
and you know i give myself to you
and no matter what you do
i promise you my heart

i've built my world around you
and i want you to know
i need you like i've never needed anyone before

i live my life for you
i want to be by your side in everything that you do
and if there's only one thing you can believe is true
i live my life for you

i dedicate my life to you
you know that i would die for you
but our love would last forever
and i will always be with you
and there is nothing we can't do
as long as we're together

i just can't live without you
and i want you to know
i need you like i've never needed anyone before

i live my life for you
i want to be by your side in everything that you do
and if there's only one thing you can believe is true
i live my life for you

i live my life for you

Number Of Days Till Visiting Day: 7

Counting the minutues and the seconds till I get to see you again baby...

2:49:00 AM

Guess what? I just reached home. I finally went out. *lol* Met Clara for coffee and then went to Fisherman's Village for more drinks.

Although I woke up late again and missed going shopping, at least I still managed to meet up with Clara. That doesn't make me so much of a couch potato huh? And anyway, I'll be meeting LaLa, Bygone and probably Joey to Far East to do some shopping tomorrow. So it's not much difference even if I woke up late today.

(I'm fantastic at making excuses for myself aren't I?)

Damn, my Mommy just told me it's my Grandma's birthday tomorrow, and we're going out for dinner. Guess I'll have to meet them earlier then. No matter what, I'll still have to go to Far East. I have to get the pink dress that I saw in a magazine a few days back, if it's sold out, I'll die. Well, maybe not die, but I'll cry. *lol*

I seem to be in a happy mood today aren't I? Maybe it's because I've finally got myself out of my pink room and met up Clara. Talking and joking with her certainly brought up my spirits.

I shall force myself to go to bed soon, I can't afford to oversleep for tomorrow's shopping trip. Anyway, thanks Clara, I really enjoyed myself. *hugs*

2:17:00 AM

Friday, March 05, 2004

O-Town - Baby I Would

would i walk through fire just to be with you
would i cross an ocean just to hold you
would i give up all i have to see you smile
would i walk through hell and not think twice

baby i would
baby i will
baby i'll do that gladly
be all you need
do anything to make you happy
baby i could
baby i can
do anything you ask me
baby i can
baby i could
baby i would

would i be the harbour always there for you
right there for you baby
would i be the shelter that would shield you
would i be the loving light to light your way
and would i defend you with my life

i'll keep you from the cold
i'll be there to hold you
and if tears should find your eyes
i would be the one to dry them
i would risk it all and give it all to you

i can
i could
baby i would

Number Of Days Till Visiting Day: 9

Counting the minutues and the seconds till I get to see you again baby...

11:59:00 PM

Damn, I just woke up. Had trouble sleeping this morning. It was 5am when I lay on my bed, and it was almost 6 hours later when I finally managed to fall asleep. I tossed and turn but just couldn't sleep. I guess I miss my baby too much.

Double damn, wanted to go shopping and meet Clara today. Now my plans are all spoilt. I'm going to bed soon, and I'll make it a point to wake up earlier tomorrow. I need to get out of the house. And I seriously need to change my lifestyle. It's pretty gross sleeping early in the morning and waking up late at night. My dark circles will worsen if I continue being like this.

Ugh, I feel so disgusting.

10:42:00 PM

Thursday, March 04, 2004

Sugababes - Too Lost In You

you look into my eyes
i go out of my mind
i can't see anything
cause this love's got me blind
i can't help myself
i can't break the spell
i can't even try

i'm in over my head
you got under my skin
i got no strength at all
in the state that i'm in
and my knees are weak
and my mouth can't speak
fell too far this time

baby i'm too lost in you
caught in you
lost in everything about you
so deep
i can't sleep
i can't think
i just think about the things that you do
i'm too lost in you
too lost in you

well you whispered to me
and i shiver inside
you undo me and move me
in ways undefined
and you're all i see
and you're all i need
help me baby
help me baby

cause i'm slipping away
like the sand to the tide
flowing into your arms
falling into your eyes
if you get too near
i might disappear
i might lose my mind

baby i'm too lost in you
caught in you
lost in everything about you
so deep
i can't sleep
i can't think
i just think about the things that you do
i'm too lost in you
too lost in you

i'm going crazy in love for you baby
i can't eat and i can't sleep
i'm going down like a stone in the sea
yeah no one can rescue me
no one can rescue me

i'm lost in you
i'm lost in you
i'm lost in everything about you
so deep
i can't sleep
i can't think
i just think about the things that you do
i'm too lost in you
too lost in you

Number Of Days Till Visiting Day: 10

Counting the minutues and the seconds till I get to see you again baby...

11:59:00 PM

48 hours alone without my baby, and I had spent 22 hours sleeping. That's all I feel like doing, to drown myself into deep slumber till I get to see him again.

Just had a 15 minutes phone call with him, seemed like he's doing pretty well inside. I'm glad. A few more minutes and it'll be bedtime for him. For me, I'll have to wait in anticipation till the next day, when I can hear his voice again.

Damn, I'm really so lost without him. It seems like I couldn't function normally without him by my side. I can't seem to do anything, except to sleep and miss him. God, I am so addicted to him.

Joey told me I'll get used to this soon, maybe I will. But for now, all I can see is long days of loneliness. All I can wish is for myself to be craddled in his arms. All I can hope is to be with him again soon.

I really ought to pull myself up. I'm thinking of a shopping spree with Joey, a movie or a coffee session with Clara. I could finish decorating my room too. And look out for jobs to support my extravagance. There's in fact lots of things for me to do.

It's just that without him be my side, I just somehow couldn't do all those. I sound so pathetic don't I?

I miss him so much, it feels like a part of me is gone too.

10:09:00 PM

Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Dido - Here With Me

i didn't hear you leave
i wonder how am i still here
i don't want to move a thing
it might change my memory

oh i am what i am
i'll do what i want
but i can't hide

i won't go
i won't sleep
i can't breathe
until you're resting here with me
i won't leave
i can't hide
i cannot be
until you're resting here with me

i don't want to call my friends
they might wake me from this dream
and i can't leave this bed
risk forgetting all that's been

Number Of Days Till Visiting Day: 11

Counting the minutues and the seconds till I get to see you again baby...

11:59:00 PM

That's it, my baby's gone. He's away to be a slave to the government. And I just miss him so much. So much till it aches.

I shed no tears when I sent him off, maybe I've became stronger unknowingly. But still, leaving him was the hardest thing I've ever done these few months. I have to admit that I almost cried though. That awful lump in my throat is still there. *sigh* How I wished he didn't had to go.

Time past just too quickly. We just got back together, we loved each other, we enjoyed each other, and now, we're gonna be seperated again. Life is so fucking unfair sometimes.

I'm gonna have many solitary lonely nights from now on....

Aww baby, hurry back to me. I need you.

"i love you not because i need you, but i need you, because i love you."

I'll be an empty, hollow me till you're back.

12:46:00 PM

Yours Truly
Ingrid
25 years old
Kievan's Mommy
Still Pink Lovin'

deep inside me. a silent whisper in my mind.

sweet surrender to your love divine. peace enfolding.

in the stillness i empty my soul. and your healing presence flows.

as i breathe the air of heaven. drawing in your fragrance when i breathe.

i feel your fullness come alive inside of me. you're the breath that i breathe.

it's taking hold. like a second nature when i savour. savour you. as i breathe.