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Sunday, October 08, 2006

Baby Kievan is: 1 year, 6 months, 3 weeks & 4 days old

Damnit, damnit, damnit! Big fucking damnit! Why does my worthless phone have to spoil at this time?! When I finally found work for the next few days?! How am I going to contact anyone when all the numbers are in that freaking comatose phone?!

My god, why do things always happen to me at the wrong time? Why do things always turn out to be the total opposite of what I expected? Why do things always happen to me, when I don't have any ulterior intentions towards life at all?

What wrong did I commit that was so bad, so bad, that I have to bear this all by myself. Was I such a terrible and ugly person at heart, that I deserve to feel this way?

Other than taking it all myself, who can I share my troubles with? Almost everyone have their own problems and what right do I have to burden them with more? Especially when I don't deserve anyone to be nice, caring and understanding towards me. Beacuse the people that are by my side now, are the same people that I've let down in the past. I look at them, and I feel the crushing guilt weighing me down and down.

So I am trying to be brave aren't I? I'm trying to be happy so that people who love and care for me will not be worried. But sometimes, it's just so tiring to bear it all.. And I detest the unfairness of it all, I really do. I have so many questions which no one can give me an answer.

I've always wanted a simple life. But it turns out that trying to lead a simple life, is so very hard afterall.

PS: Please forgive me, for my moment of weakness. I just felt the urge to whine and throw a tantrum. Even though I know that none of those things will help. But... oh well, just to let the steam out.

9:24:00 PM

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Baby Kievan is: 1 year, 6 months, 3 weeks & 1 day old

I was in the middle of a post about him just now, and I went out to have lunch, thinking that I'll continue it when I come back. So... I came back after lunch and realised my computer's not on. I think it's my boy who shut it down, he loves pressing on that on/off button.

Oh well, I told myself I will never blog about him again, and somehow, it turns out that, even if I had the intention to do it just now, I didn't manage to do it afterall. *shrugs*

So since, my son ate up my post. I shall not rewrite it again. Here's a quiz from Clarence's blog and 2 new pictures of myself.

What Kind Of Soul Are You?

You Are A Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world so much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time. You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult.

You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life.

Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

Pretty much true hmm? Go try it girls.

Here's me, the Kievan Lovin' Mommy.

I must say, I really do like my new hair. It doesn't look that good in real though.

And why don't I look like before anymore? I can't make myself look or smile the same... I think I've finally understand how important our personality is, how important our heart feels. Once you've changed, everything about you slowly slips away too. And before you knew it, you're staring at a stranger in the mirror.

4:06:00 PM

Yours Truly
Ingrid
25 years old
Kievan's Mommy
Still Pink Lovin'

deep inside me. a silent whisper in my mind.

sweet surrender to your love divine. peace enfolding.

in the stillness i empty my soul. and your healing presence flows.

as i breathe the air of heaven. drawing in your fragrance when i breathe.

i feel your fullness come alive inside of me. you're the breath that i breathe.

it's taking hold. like a second nature when i savour. savour you. as i breathe.