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Sunday, October 08, 2006
Damnit, damnit, damnit! Big fucking damnit! Why does my worthless phone have to spoil at this time?! When I finally found work for the next few days?! How am I going to contact anyone when all the numbers are in that freaking comatose phone?!
My god, why do things always happen to me at the wrong time? Why do things always turn out to be the total opposite of what I expected? Why do things always happen to me, when I don't have any ulterior intentions towards life at all?
What wrong did I commit that was so bad, so bad, that I have to bear this all by myself. Was I such a terrible and ugly person at heart, that I deserve to feel this way?
Other than taking it all myself, who can I share my troubles with? Almost everyone have their own problems and what right do I have to burden them with more? Especially when I don't deserve anyone to be nice, caring and understanding towards me. Beacuse the people that are by my side now, are the same people that I've let down in the past. I look at them, and I feel the crushing guilt weighing me down and down.
So I am trying to be brave aren't I? I'm trying to be happy so that people who love and care for me will not be worried. But sometimes, it's just so tiring to bear it all.. And I detest the unfairness of it all, I really do. I have so many questions which no one can give me an answer.
I've always wanted a simple life. But it turns out that trying to lead a simple life, is so very hard afterall.
PS: Please forgive me, for my moment of weakness. I just felt the urge to whine and throw a tantrum. Even though I know that none of those things will help. But... oh well, just to let the steam out.
9:24:00 PM
Yours Truly
Ingrid
25 years old
Kievan's Mommy
Still Pink Lovin'
Faded Memories
October 2003
November 2003
December 2003
January 2004
February 2004
March 2004
April 2004
May 2004
June 2004
July 2004
August 2004
February 2005
April 2005
June 2005
November 2005
September 2006
October 2006
November 2006
December 2006
January 2007
February 2007
April 2007
March 2010
deep inside me. a silent whisper in my mind.
sweet surrender to your love divine. peace enfolding.
in the stillness i empty my soul. and your healing presence flows.
as i breathe the air of heaven. drawing in your fragrance when i breathe.
i feel your fullness come alive inside of me. you're the breath that i breathe.
it's taking hold. like a second nature when i savour. savour you. as i breathe.