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Monday, December 15, 2003

I just took this quiz:
Why Are You Still Single?

Results:
Ever heard the expression, "Once bitten, twice shy?" You can probably relate to this, can't you? Your last relationship may have left you a little raw in emotions, and the memories are likely still fresh in your mind. Fresher than you can sometimes believe. With a hurt like that, you're probably not so eager to enter the drama again and we can't say that we blame you. You may be so afraid of getting hurt that you take things to heart big-time when you're involved with someone, after all, you've been hurt before, why can't it happen again? You also may be guilty of comparing potential mates to your ex who may still constantly loom large in your mind.

But maybe, just maybe, it's time to check your baggage at the door and let a new person into your life with a clean slate. You have a lot to offer someone, but you can't do it when you have one foot firmly planted in the past.

That's quite true maybe... One thing though, I'm not living in the past. I just can't move on, because I'm afraid. Afraid of trying, afraid of risking, afraid of the hurt and pain that love can bring. But... still, I might also be kinda living in the past too. I don't know. Matters of the heart are confusing. I never seem to know what I really want, or what I'm really thinking.

I can't escape from love forever though. One day, it's gonna hit on me once again, and there'll be nothing I can do about it. I know. I just don't want it to happen now. It's too soon. I still remember how it is like to love, to lose and to hurt. No one can hurt me now. I protect myself and I love myself. It's a much more carefree life.

Sometimes, late at night when it's especially cold and quiet, I'll start feeling terribly lonely again. Yeah, it doesn't feel good to be alone, without someone there to love you unconditionally, without someone there to share your life with. But, if I were to choose between love and loneliness now. I'll choose the latter. Why? Because I'm a coward to try. I can't bring myself to love again. My heart can't accept anyone now. I'm scarred, so deeply scarred. I still can see that ugly slash along with all the memories clearly etched in my heart. And when I think about it, I fear.

I'm scared, very scared. Who can save my soul?

"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever but the cautious do not live at all. From now on you will be traveling the road between who you think you are and who you can be. The key is to allow yourself to make the journey."

Wonderful quote isn't it? It's so true, but I don't find the courage in me now. Am I choosing to be "the cautious who do not live at all"?

I close my eyes and see myself, alone, walking in a fog of white mist. I'm lost, and afraid.

6:28:00 AM

Yours Truly
Ingrid
25 years old
Kievan's Mommy
Still Pink Lovin'

deep inside me. a silent whisper in my mind.

sweet surrender to your love divine. peace enfolding.

in the stillness i empty my soul. and your healing presence flows.

as i breathe the air of heaven. drawing in your fragrance when i breathe.

i feel your fullness come alive inside of me. you're the breath that i breathe.

it's taking hold. like a second nature when i savour. savour you. as i breathe.